Trying to Conceive? The Emotional Toll of Fertility Challenges
Introduction
When you are trying to conceive, each month can feel like a rollercoaster. You might find yourself holding your breath during every two-week wait, feeling hope followed by heartbreak. The process of becoming pregnant whether through timed intercourse, IUI, IVF, or other treatments can take a serious toll on your emotional well-being.
At Support Me Psychotherapy, we hear from women and couples across Ontario who are navigating fertility challenges with quiet courage. This blog explores how fertility struggles can affect mental health, what emotional symptoms are often overlooked, and how therapy can support you through this deeply personal journey.
Fertility and Mental Health: What No One Talks About
Fertility issues are not just physical they are emotional, relational, and all-consuming. Whether you have been trying for a few months or several years, you may be experiencing emotional stress that others do not see.
Common emotional symptoms linked to fertility struggles include:
Anxiety or panic leading up to each cycle
Mood swings related to hormones or ongoing uncertainty
Feelings of guilt, shame, or failure
Disconnection from your body or partner
Avoidance of friends, family gatherings, or baby-related conversations
Depression, especially after repeated losses or unsuccessful cycles
Obsessive thinking or information overload
Research shows that women going through fertility treatments often experience emotional distress that rivals or exceeds the anxiety and depression seen in serious medical conditions.
A 2020 article from the Canadian Fertility and Andrology Society confirms that psychological distress is common and that counseling and therapy should be considered essential—not optional—during fertility care.
The Invisible Grief of Fertility Loss
Even if you have not experienced a miscarriage or known loss, fertility challenges can involve profound grief. Each failed cycle may feel like a tiny heartbreak, a loss of what might have been. Over time, this grief becomes heavier, especially if others around you are getting pregnant with ease.
This invisible grief may include:
Mourning the idea of a natural or easy pregnancy
Grieving timelines that keep shifting
Feeling left behind in your social or family circles
Coping with the emotional weight of early losses or chemical pregnancies
The pain of hearing “Just relax and it will happen”
When this kind of grief is ignored or dismissed, it often transforms into chronic emotional exhaustion. You may feel like you are holding your breath, waiting to exhale yet no relief comes.
Common Triggers and Emotional Landmines
If you are trying to conceive, you may feel like your world is full of emotional triggers. Some are predictable. Others hit unexpectedly. Here are some common ones:
Seeing pregnancy announcements on social media
Being asked, “When are you having kids?”
Walking through the baby section in stores
Attending baby showers or children’s birthday parties
Seeing your partner or loved ones hurting and feeling powerless
These triggers are real, and they can feel like emotional landmines scattered across your daily life. Therapy offers a place to safely unpack these reactions without judgment.
Relationship Stress During Fertility Treatments
Fertility struggles do not only affect the individual they often impact relationships too. If you are in a relationship, you may notice:
Increased conflict over timing, finances, or decision-making
Feelings of isolation or resentment if you and your partner cope differently
Decreased intimacy or touch, especially if sex becomes scheduled or clinical
Misunderstandings due to emotional burnout
This is not a sign that your relationship is failing. It is a sign that you are under intense emotional strain.
At Support Me Psychotherapy, we support individuals and couples in navigating these sensitive dynamics with care, clarity, and compassion.
The Identity Shift No One Prepares You For
Fertility challenges can change how you see yourself. You may start to question your body, your worth, or your purpose. Women often describe feeling:
Betrayed by their body
Envious of others
Disconnected from joy
Obsessed with control or numbers
Emotionally flat or numb
These experiences are more common than you might think. Yet so many women suffer silently, unsure if they are “allowed” to feel this way because they have not yet had a baby.
According to Fertility Matters Canada, up to one in six couples in Canada experience infertility. Many also report significant emotional distress and a need for better mental health support. Therapy can help meet that need with tools for self-compassion, stress relief, and emotional processing.
How Therapy Helps When You Are TTC
You may not be able to control the outcome of fertility treatments, but therapy gives you a way to care for your mind, body, and heart throughout the process.
Here are some of the ways therapy can help:
1. Emotional Regulation and Stress Reduction
Trying to conceive often involves long periods of waiting, unexpected disappointments, and constant hope management. Therapy can provide:
Guided relaxation and mindfulness tools
Breathwork to support nervous system regulation
Emotional check-ins to help reduce anxiety or emotional flooding
Techniques for managing obsessive thoughts or tracking fatigue
2. Space to Process Grief and Loss
Whether it is a failed cycle, miscarriage, or chemical pregnancy, your experience is valid. Therapy offers:
Space to cry, rage, or reflect without judgment
Grief support tailored to your experience
Strategies to express or honour loss without rushing into “positivity”
Permission to feel the complicated mix of hope, fear, and heartbreak
3. Identity and Self-Esteem Support
When TTC begins to affect how you see yourself, therapy helps you:
Reconnect with your identity beyond motherhood
Build self-compassion and reduce harsh self-talk
Reflect on how you are growing emotionally
Recognize your resilience, even when you feel fragile
4. Relationship and Communication Skills
Fertility struggles can test any relationship. Therapy can support you by:
Improving communication about needs and emotions
Navigating intimacy changes without shame
Helping both partners understand how stress is impacting the relationship
Creating emotional safety and shared language for grief or fear
5. Building Emotional Resilience for Next Steps
Whether you are continuing treatment, exploring third-party reproduction, or considering child-free living, therapy can help you stay grounded, centered, and emotionally present.
You do not need to have all the answers. You just need a safe space to feel, question, and breathe again.
When to Seek Help
You do not need to wait until you are falling apart to talk to someone. Therapy is not just for breakdowns—it is also for clarity, emotional stability, and feeling less alone.
You may benefit from therapy if:
You feel emotionally stuck or overwhelmed by TTC
Your mood is affecting your daily life or relationships
You are grieving in silence
You feel emotionally disconnected or numb
You want a space to talk about what is happening without advice or pressure
You Are Not Alone
Trying to conceive is more than a medical journey. It is emotional, relational, and deeply human. You are not weak for feeling tired. You are not selfish for needing space. You are not broken for struggling.
At Support Me Psychotherapy, we offer specialized emotional support for fertility and reproductive challenges. Our care is:
Virtual across Ontario
Covered by most extended health benefits
Compassionate and culturally sensitive
Individualized to your experience
Book your free 30-minute consultation . You deserve support through every part of this journey.